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Our Feelings

When I was young and I left school, I had a feeling that I am going to
miss my dear teachers.

When I left my graduation college, I was happy to have entered the
stream of better studies where I could opt what I wanted.

Whenever I left my home town, I was happy because I knew I would be
returning back to mom after a couple of months again.

But now I live differently. I realized that with time, I grew up from
a child to become a woman. The school I left is still the same. The
teachers I miss are still the same. The friends I gained- despite the
induced wisdom that they are not permanent and real- are almost the
same. My mom is yet my mom. I still feel the same comfort in my old
house though its wear and tear has made it shabby.

But the teachers I meet now make me rethink my decision of becoming
a teacher. The people I meet now make me rethink my values. I have
made new friends out of which some I realized have only used me, and
some have been genuine, in contact for no reason other than just to
share and care.

When I go to sleep at night, I ask myself all those things that I fear to
confront. What do I want to be? What are my values? What is the thing
that glues me today to the people I interact with? Need? Attachment?
Selfish motives? Because these are things that drive a relation in
present times, at least among those I have known and I now know.
I don’t want to do a job which my family personally dislikes, though
needs for professional reasons. I don’t want to become a teacher
whose sole aim is fame and pomp of grace, whose students abuse them
on their back but tail in front of their faces. I can’t carry an attitude of
materialistic values. I shall rather practice none than accept one with
flaws. One may ask, or say, who cares! But I do. I know I am right or
not. I don’t do things that I wouldn’t love if done with me. Career or no
career, being human matters the most above all.

Manjari Verma

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