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Can Love exist without Lust?

“I so wish i could feel you now, could hear your words at a time when the whole world is up against me, I so wish you were here to make me feel like there would be no tomorrow. We could lie under the moon and count the stars and till stay there till infinity, talking to each other, holding each other and perhaps the Gods would be an eye witness to this love.”

The moon lit us, as we sat in the dark corner of that rocky beach. Hand held together, we sat as the waves silently gazed us and drew back, without uttering a word of protest. I was living each moment, experiencing it like a century, limitless, endless. She had her head bent on my shoulders, sitting very close to me when she said “I love u”. All I could utter was ” Me too”. I kissed her and she kissed me back. And we withdrew for the kiss happened in the heat of the moment, but yes i missed being with her, for so long that the eyes waited for her to come and the heart wanted to be with her and just her.
The Moon hid in the clouds, just to give us some privacy, or perhaps was playing a prank like that best friend who knows how to intervene at the right moment, but always wishes the best of life and happiness for us. She came closer to me, held me by hands and let her hair loose. She was his now, in anyway and every way, and we sat, silent as the corpses in the graves nearby, gazing at the shore that sprinkled water on us as its waves hit the rocky shore.

And a sudden flurry of thoughts came gushing to me. Should i touch her? Would she mind it? What if I kiss her again and she would never see me again? Or perhaps love could never exist without lust or was it just lust? Lust it was not, for I never wanted her physically, but what really perturbed me is what was I doing? Should i ask her? Or I could be there with her and may be hold my love minus the physicality of love, profoundly known as lust.

I always knew love was complex, but this complex? Am I so sure? O did the complexities grip me too? What was done? What could have been done? I was confused. I tried to avoid the lust in love, but that is how I have always seen it. I am no saint. She had a great body, a figure to die for and it is no wrong to love her body, isn’t it? But love must be above all this or is it so complex that I cannot decode it this easily.

I thought about it again and decided to kiss her, once again in a span of few minutes. Oh wait, what am I trying to prove? Won’t she feel i am being so possessive? Anyway I kissed her again, and this time she was a bit reluctant to kiss me back, though she never stopped me from loving her.

And the she spoke, perhaps for the first time “Can’t we love, just love each other, without any physical relations, without sex? Her words put me in a fix. Did she read my mind? Or was she also thinking the same as me. I was now sure that love could not exist without lust, for lust, be it physical was a must. I let my thoughts wander around and slept besides her, just slept with her to be with her and enjoy the night the beauty of being beside the one whom I loved the most.

There, I thought. Was this always on his mind and did he ever treat me as his love and only love? Am I just a physical body to him? But I have a body to die for and he too is a human, a boy who is in love. But, wait, isn’t this man supposed to be my dream man? But yes, my dreams never classified him as a different person, as a saint who would never touch me. I have my desires too and sex is involved in it. Lust has its place. I want him to touch me all over, make love to me. But why did I withdraw when he kissed me again? Is it a tad too early to trust this guy? But I had decided to love him with all my heart, the body and mind. Why am I so confused now? Lust is the basic of love and I must understand this. Love cannot exist without lust and this is certain. I have allowed him to make love to me, for I know he shall never cheat upon me. I trust his decisions. I am pretty sure now. Lust has lost its appeal in me. I love him and allow his love. I will be with him no matter what. I sought love and got it in him.The stars watching over the thoughts of the couple were and are still confused. 

Can love exist without lust? It best is left unanswered!

Awaara Maseeha

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