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The ecstasy and agony of being in love

Sitting by the window,I lay my gaze on the vain clusters of clouds gathered together as if to celebrate the pain in my heart. Does this pain also exist in my better half,I ask myself unknowingly. As soon as I think of her, I feel teardrops trickling down my cheeks. A loud thunder brings me back from my imaginary world and makes me realize that those teardrops were raindrops in reality.I smile wryly and shrug off my foolish act,again tending to get lost in my own world-hypothetical,but not hypocritical,where a spade has no other meaning than a spade and no one is afraid to say so.

Another one of millions of silly questions pops up in my mind. Is it really possible for the sky to have a heart like us,be it of any shape or size,but still a heart which beats for someone,say earth? Which,through all these centuries and millenniums of existence,has endured the pain of maintaining a long-distance relationship with the earth with only occasional outbursts of emotions quite insensitively named “rainfall” by us humans. Or maybe it took a step below,and came down in the temporary disguise of clouds to have a close look at its dearest and couldn’t hold on to the volcano of emotions which caused it to embrace the earth through raindrops. It pretty much seems analogous to when I go to meet her,and often lose my control over my usually quiet emotions.

Quite content with the sky taking my role,I lookout for the analogy in the earth.The worst situation in your life comes when you are torn apart between loving someone limitlessly,and expecting to be loved equally in return.Why can’t the earth understand  how the sky feels for it? Why can’t it hear it’s heartbeats,deafening in the form of thunders? Why is it always so patient as if waiting for some miracle to take place? Why is it so stone-hearted? Are all those emotions- swirling of trees,blowing of breeze,greenery of surface-all fake imaginations of the sky?…..

Questions still loom large,and yet remain unanswered in my freaky brain. I get worried all of a sudden that if this is indeed the scenario of my love story then I’d always have to stay apart from her. I don this worried romeo look and start sleepwalking in my garden,lost in her thoughts,of course. The way she hugs me tightly, the way her eyes lit up instantly whenever I appear from nowhere,the way she caresses me, the way her lips never wanna get detached from mine,the tears in hers eyes bidding adieu to me when I’m about to leave…. all these memories wash away all those mundane questions popping up in my good-for-nothing mind..and I start feeling a plethora of love being showered upon me. I raise my hands mid-way in the air,as if to embrace her in my arms. My hallucination finally breaks when I can’t find her and deja vu’…it’s the showers of the rain again! Feeling sorry for my accomplice,I walk inside praying for it’s love to be a success.On some TV channel,the song’s playing from the movie Chaandni…..”mere saath barsaat bhi ro padi hai..lagi aaj sawan ki phir wo ladi hai..”

Mayank singh
National Inst. of Technology, Patna

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